


Destiel – an outsider’s perspective

by zation



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angel of the Lord Castiel, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating Dean, Church Sex, Confused Dean, Confused OMC, Dean Needs A Hug, Dean Needs Castiel, Dean Prays, Dean Talks About Feelings, Dean cheats on Lisa, Dean in distress, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Feelings, Frottage, Helpful OMC, Infidelity, M/M, More plot than porn, Not Beta Read, Not that much porn, OMC - Freeform, POV Original Character, Praying to Castiel, Pre-season 6 Dean/Castiel, Religion, Sad Dean, Season 6 Compliant, Season/Series 06, Semi-Public Sex, Set between season 5 and season 6, The priest ships it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-05-02 16:34:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5255507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zation/pseuds/zation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Father Marvin at first knew Dean Winchester only as the man Lisa Braeden introduced but when Dean keeps returning to church and praying on his own the priest rather quickly understands that this poor man is suffering. Can Father Marvin uncover what is the matter and can he even hope to help this lost soul?</p><p>Or,</p><p>The one where Dean longs for Cas something fierce.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Destiel – an outsider’s perspective

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this is maybe not as _explicit_ as the Explicit tagging will have you believe but I thought it was maybe more than Mature? I dunno, I didn’t want anyone to be uncomfortable   
>  And on that note I’m writing a fic with a religious/church/priest theme, [and not for the first time](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3575004), even though I’m the furthest from religious…  
> Very sorry if I offend anyone! This is simply for fun so please enjoy! <3

  
  


Father Marvin hummed lowly to himself as he tended to the votive candles on the bye-altar. The church was mostly empty this late in the afternoon but there were a few people strewn out amongst the pews. Mr. Richard, an elderly man, sat and looked serenely up at the image of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Ms. Claudette moved her lips as she prayed silently with her head bowed and Mr. and Mrs. Andersen talked lowly to one another while holding hands. Father Marvin smiled to himself, content with the church’s ability to bring its little parish peace in these chaotic times.

Further down the pews, closer to the confession booths, he noticed a young man he at first didn’t recognize. The man was sitting with his shoulder hunched and sighed just as Father Marvin walked past him on his way to prepare the confessionals. There were usually not very many people wishing to confess during the weekdays but there could be one and Father Marvin wanted to be prepared.

He could see the young man’s face from the booth and he thought he recognized him then. He looked like the man that Lisa Braeden and her son, Ben, had brought with them last Sunday. He hadn’t seemed comfortable in their church and Father Marvin had caught himself wondering whether the man was catholic at all. Not that it mattered to Father Marvin, God loved everyone and he would not judge the man for his believes. He found himself wondering now, however, what could make the man look so sad.

He shook his head slightly and decided that he wouldn’t pursue it if the man didn’t come to him first. This was after all a sanctuary and he would not presume to impose.

  
  


*****

  
  


The young man was back next Sunday and Father Marvin knew he had been right; this was indeed Ms. Braeden’s companion. The man had smiled easily both during and after mass and had held Ben’s hand as they walked out of church. Father Marvin had found himself pleased with this, thinking that what had troubled the man had obviously passed for him to be smiling so.

The Thursday after, though, he once again found himself looking at the man’s tense back. The man was back sitting close to the confessionals, further from everyone else in church and Father Marvin wondered if it was coincidence or if he simply wished to be alone. He frowned slightly but still decided not to intrude. This man — Dan or Dean, he thought — was sure to come for help if he needed it.

Just as he opened the door to the confessional he heard the man sigh.

"Dear Castiel, who art in heaven." The man quieted for a moment and Father Marvin couldn’t help but turn around to look at him. The man was looking at his clasped hands. "I hope." He added as if in afterthought and it made Father Marvin frown again. "Look, I just need a sign or something. You’re not answering my prayers at home and I just thought… I dunno, the church might amplify it or something? But how the fuck would I know, we never used to need this shit."

It was certainly an extremely… _unconventional_ prayer, Father Marvin had to admit that. The man sat quiet for a while, as if waiting, and then suddenly lifted his head and stared almost accusingly at the Blessed Virgin Mary before scowling and abruptly standing to leave.

Father Marvin blinked in confusion as he watched the man’s retreating back, feeling very uncertain of how to proceed.

  
  


*****

  
  


One week later Father Marvin found himself already inside the confessional booth before the man — Dean, Father Marvin had confirmed this Sunday — had even sat down.

Father Marvin had thought long and hard about this but had decided against relaying any of it to his fellow priests before he had talked to Dean himself. He was, in fact, still not sure if there was anything to talk about. People had their own ways of praying and no way was more right or wrong than the other, after all.

So, that wasn’t really what bothered Father Marvin. No, what was concerning him was how this man acted every Sunday when he came in with his little family for mass. He was jovial, flirting and smiling at everyone. Ms. Braeden and her son looked so happy with him and he truly looked happy with them. Now, Father Marvin only saw this man on Sundays and Thursdays so maybe he shouldn’t think too much about it but it was concerning him how different the man was when he came in alone for his prayers. It was, in fact, quite the opposite from his Sunday behavior.

Now, once again, the man sat with hunched shoulders. His forehead was leaned against his clasped hands and Father Marvin frowned at the display as he watched through the small, slanted openings in the confessional’s door.

"Dear Castiel, who art in heaven." Dean started after a while in silence, his voice a low rasp and Father Marvin’s heart tore at the sadness in the man’s voice. "Are you even listening anymore? I just… I wanna know if Sammy’s okay, I wanna know if… Did I do the right thing? Do you think I should keep this up? I promised Sam that I would live the white picket fence, apple pie life he would never have but I don’t know if I can do this anymore…"

He quieted and Father Marvin longed to heal this poor soul. He knew nothing of the man save Lisa Braeden suddenly bringing him and that Dean had a steady handshake and charming attitude. He seemed like such a good man that Father Marvin couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to make him so sad. Who was Sam? What had happened to him? What choice was Dean rethinking now? And, also, why was he praying to Castiel, of all the angels?

It was the most common for people in Father Marvin’s parish to pray to God, or Jesus Christ, or Virgin Mary. Of course all angels were also revered but the common people hardly ever bothered to actually pray to them. Except Dean. He prayed to Castiel, the angel of solitude and tears, the angel of temperance. And he did it solely on Thursdays, when Castiel was the strongest. It was a weirdly specific and eerily beautiful choice, Father Marvin thought.

When Dean, as usual, didn’t receive whatever response he had been hoping for he got up and left. Father Marvin sat for a long time in the confessional booth, thinking about Dean’s struggles and about his own inability to keep away. It was hardly befit a priest to eavesdrop like this but he had a very strong feeling that Dean needed help and it seemed less and less likely that the man would ask for it himself.

  
  


*****

  
  


"Come on, Cas. You could at least answer your damn phone."

It was certainly a very weird prayer, Father Marvin concluded as he sat, as usual, in the confessional and listened in on Dean as the man opened up his heart. He had been doing this for two months now, Dean coming in every Sunday and acting as if he never stepped foot in this church except for mass and then coming back every Thursday to pray to the angel.

Only, the prayer had stopped sounding like prayers about three weeks ago and started sounding more like someone talking to an old friend. Father Marvin wasn’t even sure whom Dean was praying to anymore. Maybe he was talking to someone long dead? He listened with a heart heavy with sorrow and guilt but he listened all the same.

"I just miss you, you fuck." Dean whispered and leaned his head against the pew in front of his. "We went to celebrate Ben’s friend’s birthday yesterday and all I could think about was how you would’ve scowled in confusion. Like when we sang Happy Birthday. _This serves no purpose, Dean. Did you know the origin of this song was actually…_ " Dean was obviously mimicking someone, his voice going low and gravelly like that, but he stopped himself short with a shaky breath. "Fuck, Cas."

Father Marvin opened the door then, intent on comforting the man, but Dean was already on his way out. It stood clear to Father Marvin now that Dean had lost someone dear to him and that he was praying to the angel Castiel for guidance on how to deal with his grief. It was a strange choice, for sure, but Father Marvin judged not that. He only wished Dean would talk to someone about his obvious hardships. Preferably Ms. Braeden, since they seemed to be in a seemingly happy relationship, but if not her then at least someone here at church.

This man needed help and Father Marvin ached to relieve his sorrows. It only got worse that Sunday when Dean as usual came in with Ms. Braeden and her son. He smiled when he looked at them but as soon as they were turned away he looked downtrodden. His eyes had circles under them and he looked paler.

Father Marvin couldn’t resist putting a hand on the man’s shoulder as he walked past during Father Gayle’s mass. Dean looked up at the touch and startled when their eyes met. Father Marvin just smiled and it seemed to placate the other man. Dean swallowed and returned a shaky smile and Father Marvin knew enough to leave it at that for now.

  
  


*****

  
  


"I’m seeing you everywhere now, Cas." Dean mumbled as he sat in his usual spot that Thursday. Father Marvin leaned his elbows on his knees and listened silently from within the confessional. "I can’t do this much longer. I know you said you had work to do but it was never decided that you wouldn’t be in touch you douche." Dean clenched and unclenched his fists. "It’s not just about Sammy anymore; it’s about you. I called Bobby and he hasn’t heard from you either. It’s been months, are you fucking dead or what?" Dean’s head snapped up and his face was bathed in light but he was scowling. "Fuck you if you died again."

He got up and stomped away and Father Marvin blinked at his words. Again? Well, at least this person that Dean was desperate to contact seemed to be alive, that was a small relief, Father Marvin thought.

But then again, maybe not. Dean seemed to be getting worse and worse. His smiles were fewer each Sunday and he came in one Thursday to just sit quietly for the longest time and Father Marvin only noticed when Dean got up to leave that the man had been crying. Oh, how his heart ached for this poor, poor soul!

"I had a dream about you last night." Dean said in a raspy voice the Thursday following his silent crying. Father Marvin leaned his head back against the wall in the booth. "I dunno if it was a dream or you but…" Dean surprised Father Marvin but chuckling lowly. "Well, it doesn’t matter, does it? I mean, I thought it meant that you were alive but you’re still not answering me so that dream was worthless, wasn’t it? Now that I think about it…" Father Marvin watched how Dean shifted in his seat and sighed deeply. "It didn’t feel like the one by the lake, do you remember? Before they took you back and fucked up your head. And it certainly didn’t feel like the one with Anna and the strippers." Dean chuckled again and Father Marvin watched him intently. Dean hadn’t sounded this jovial in a long time. "I wonder what you would’ve said if you’d been the one to see that dream. Judging from that time I took you to see Chastity you would’ve run away." Dean quieted at that and Father Marvin could see him hunching in on himself again. "Have you run away from me, Cas?"

Father Marvin exited the booth, very intent on interrupting Dean because he _needed_ to try and comfort this man, but he was stopped in his tracks when Dean’s phone suddenly rang.

Dean hadn’t noticed Father Marvin but his whole body jerked as the phone blared out what Father Marvin recognized as a rock tune. Dean all but ripped his phone out of his pocket and flipped it open frantically.

"Hello?"

Father Marvin watched with sorrow how Dean’s whole posture went from hopeful to dejected in the few short seconds it took him to recognize the voice on the other end.

"Yes." Dean was saying and carded his unoccupied hand through his short hair. "I’ll be home soon. Mhm." He rose to his feet and started walking as he talked. "Milk, pasta, no I don’t need to write it down. Ketchup?"

Father Marvin turned away when Dean was out of earshot and he stood for a long moment, looking at the spot where Dean usually sat and poured his heart out to the only person he longer for and the one person that seemed determined to ignore him.

  
  


*****

  
  


Dean sat in his usual spot the week after and drew one shaky breath after another. Father Marvin was torn between letting the man have his relative privacy and just walking up to him and comforting him.

Dean rubbed the heel of his hand against his eye before he sighed deeply. "Dear Castiel, who art in heaven. I know you probably hate me or something but this isn’t for me, okay? And not for Sammy. I’m sorry I’m bothering you when you… Look, I know you don’t wanna to hear from me and I know we asked so much from you but… It’s Ben, alright? He’s sick." Father Marvin pressed his lips together and wondered what was wrong. The young boy had seemed fine this Sunday and he hoped dearly that it wasn’t something serious. "It’s just… I dunno, Lisa says it’s the flu but he’s got a high fever and he’s crying a lot and I don’t know if it’s normal. Lisa says it is but…" Father Marvin couldn’t help breathing a sigh of relief. Dean was just overly concerned. Dean suddenly gave a shuddering sob and curled in on himself. "I miss you, I miss you. Fuck, Cas." He thumped his head against the pew in front of him and Father Marvin was already on his way over to the man. "If you were here you’d mojo it away. You’d tell me not to worry. You’d squint at me like you do and I’d… I’d…"

He was gasping for air when Father Marvin reached him and the priest didn’t even hesitate in putting his hand on the man’s shaking back. It was very clear to him that Dean was experiencing a small panic attack and he soothed his hand down the man’s back.

"Mr. Winchester." He murmured and Dean’s head shot up at the sound of his voice, his eyes so hopeful for a moment that Father Marvin’s heart jumped. But when their eyes met the light in Dean’s went out and Father Marvin wondered what Dean had hoped to see; what he had failed to provide the man.

"Father." Dean said in a shaky voice and his cheeks burned bright red, most probably from the effort of controlling his breathing but perhaps also from shame. Father Marvin would have nothing of that.

"Mr. Winchester, why don’t you come with me into my office?" he asked gently. "So that we may speak more privately?"

Dean clearly hesitated and Father Marvin understood. Over these months he had come to understand a great deal about Dean. For one, his emotions were extremely well-guarded and Father Marvin knew that if Dean were to accept a private consultation it would be on his own terms. Father Marvin was okay with that, of course, as long as he could ease some of this man’s suffering.

"Okay." Dean eventually agreed and Father Marvin smiled at him, pleased with the man’s decision.

He led Dean past the pews and into the corridor that would take them to his office. They passed Father Gayle on the way and Father Marvin could feel Dean tensing up but the two priests merely nodded to each other and no words of recognition were uttered from Father Gayle. Father Marvin would have to remember to talk to and thank the man.

Father Marvin let Dean into his office and bid him sit down on one of the chairs in front of his desk. Dean did so gingerly and looked around himself cautiously. Father Marvin smiled but Dean didn’t return it.

"Would you like some tea?"

Dean shifted in his seat. "Not really." He rubbed a hand down his tired face, obviously uncomfortable.

Father Marvin nodded and perched at the edge of his desk, in front of Dean. "Do you want to tell me about Ben?"

Dean avoided his gaze for a moment before looking up defiantly. "Look, Father, I’m not really much for talking so…"

"I understand." Father Marvin clasped his hands in his lap. "I just want you to know that you don’t have to carry your burdens alone. Even if you feel uncomfortable sharing with the people you love, you should know that you’ll always be safe to share here." He smiled comfortingly when Dean seemed to relax a little. "You can think of my office as the confessional booth, if you like. Everything said here is strictly confidential."

Dean’s gaze wavered and he looked away but he did lean back more against the chair so Father Marvin felt as if he had reached the man. He waited patiently, keeping his calming posture even if the edge of the desk was digging into his tailbone. Dean reminded him in many ways of a frightened animal and he was loathe to break the fragile trust he had somehow managed.

"Look," Dean started at length, still looking away. "I just… I lost my brother a while back and my friend, he… I…"

Father Marvin drew a deep breath and tilted his head to the side as he regarded the way Dean’s eyelids fluttered and how his Adam’s apple bobbed when he swallowed. Dean was clearly uncomfortable but he was also sad, so very sad, and the priest couldn’t ignore that.

"You lost your brother?" he asked kindly and Dean nodded. "I’m very sorry for your loss, will you take solace in knowing he’s in God’s hands now?"

Dean made a face that ended in a scowl. "He’s in Hell."

Father Marvin felt his heart constrict at the matter-of-fact tone Dean used. "That is a very harsh thing to say, Mr. Winchester."

"It’s the truth." Dean swallowed. "But it’s okay, we… We made the choice together, I’m just having a hard time adjusting." He looked up and met Father Marvin’s eyes then and the priest could see that Dean’s green eyes were full of unshed tears. "I promised him I’d be happy for him too, y’know? It’s just…" he drew a shuddering breath and looked down, playing idly with the zipper on his jacket.

Father Marvin nodded to himself. "You wish you at least could talk to this friend of yours. He knows, doesn’t he? About your brother and what happened?"

Dean surprised him by suddenly leaning forward, shielding his face with his hands and shaking with barely controlled breaths. "I miss him."

Father Marvin reached out and placed a comforting hand on Dean’s shaking shoulder. "Do you want to tell me about him? Your friend? You call him Cas, am I right?"

"Oh God." Dean groaned and curled in on himself. "It hurts, Father."

Father Marvin had never dealt with grief this deep and he felt very worried for Dean’s mental stability. It seemed the man was determined to not ever let anyone know how he felt and now that the dam was bursting he seemed very unprepared for his own emotions.

Father Marvin sat on his knees in front of Dean and dared pull the man into a hug. Dean went stiff as a statue but didn’t push the priest away.

"It’s alright, son." Father Marvin soothed and placed a hand on Dean’s soft hair. "Parting with someone you love is never easy and I am sad to hear that your friend is rebuffing you."

"He’s an _ass_." Dean hissed against Father Marvin’s shoulder.

Father Marvin smiled slightly. "I’m sure that’s not true."

It felt like Dean was chewing his lip and Father Marvin said nothing about it, just held Dean in his light embrace as he felt Dean’s breathing return to normal.

"No." Dean eventually conceded. "He’s my best friend."

"Then I really understand that you miss him." Father Marvin said honestly and smiled when Dean slowly pulled out of the hug. "I’m sorry you lost contact and I have to say I think it’s very nice to see you coming in here and praying to Castiel, of all angels, for guidance." He smiled again when Dean’s eyes rounded out. "Yes, I’m sorry, I’ve accidentally overheard you a couple of times."

Dean actually blushed at that and looked down. Father Marvin reminded himself that lying was a sin and he vowed to take that into consideration in his evening prayers.

"I…" Dean harrumphed self-consciously and Father Marvin’s smile grew wider.

"I think it’s a wonderful choice. The angel of solitude will surely be able to help with your situation."

Dean coughed awkwardly and looked away. "Yeah, he’s… He’s helped before so…"

"Dean." Father Marvin put a hand on the man’s arm to get his attention back. "If you would like, I would be very pleased to have more of these private talks. Maybe, if you want to, you can come to me after you’ve prayed on Thursdays?"

Dean gulped and looked down at Father Marvin’s hand. "Yeah. Yeah, sure."

  
  


*****

  
  


Dean didn’t come to his office the following Thursday but they talked briefly out by the pews and Father Marvin felt better about this already. Dean was opening up to him, if only very slightly, and they had talked about Lisa and Ben and how Dean’s life with them was.

They also talked a little about Dean’s brother, Sam, and it stood very clear to Father Marvin that Dean loved his little brother very much and missed him terribly. Somehow, though, he seemed at peace with what had happened to his brother. This whole thing with his best friend — or former best friend? — seemed somehow worse. Father Marvin wished he knew more about it so he could help better but Dean had been avoiding the topic. He had also been praying in silence and Father Marvin felt bad about that.

Sunday mass after that passed as usual, just like the Sunday before, since Dean seemed extremely determined not to show to anyone that he was talking to the priest on the side. Father Marvin of course respected this and he suspected, the next Thursday when Dean knocked on his door, that his ability to hold his distance when they were in public was what had ultimately convinced Dean to come back to him. He felt a small surge of pride when Dean stepped into his office, knowing he had made the right decisions regarding the man and his sense of privacy. Yes, he thought as Dean shuffled up to his desk, he had earned Dean’s trust and somehow he didn’t think that came easily.

"Evening, Father." Dean mumbled and Father Marvin smiled at him and stood to meet him.

"Dean." He said warmly. "It is good to see you, how are you?"

"I…" Dean hung his head and Father Marvin frowned at the sight. Dean was by no means a small man but he appeared just as fragile as a little boy in this moment. "I’m not good."

Father Marvin took Dean gently by the elbow and steered him to sit on the small couch beside the door, far more comfortable than the chairs by his desk, Father Marvin knew as he had fallen asleep on it on more than one occasion.

Dean sat heavily and leaned his head back against the couch, eyes closed.

"Tell me." Father Marvin said as he joined Dean on the couch after having retrieved his tea from his desk.

"I had a dream, Father. I’m having trouble keeping reality and dreams apart."

Father Marvin frowned again. This was most uncommon, he thought. "What kind of dream was it?"

Dean blushed and straightened only to look away. "I dream about my friend." He said at length and Father Marvin nodded as he had suspected as much.

"And in your dreams he’s still talking to you, like you used to?"

"In my dreams he holds me." Dean whispered hoarsely and Father Marvin tilted his head to the side in confusion. Dean glanced back at him just then and made a pained sound before burying his face in his hands.

"Tell me what’s wrong, Dean." Father Marvin said, pushing aside any thoughts Dean’s statement had brought. He put a hand on Dean’s shoulder and felt the man tense.

"You remind me of him." Dean mumbled and Father Marvin hardly thought that would be a bad thing. "With your stupid hair and the way you look at me. You even have fucking blue eyes, I don’t know what to do with that."

Father Marvin rubbed small circles on Dean’s shoulder and could feel how Dean was pressing back against his hand. "You don’t have to do anything, Dean." Father Marvin said soothingly. "Let’s talk more about your dreams, it concerns me to hear that you don’t know what’s real and what’s not. Is it because you want them to be real?"

Dean drew a shuddering breath and looked up at the priest. "I guess." He conceded in a small voice. "Cas is there and it’s just us and…" he gulped and looked down at the floor.

Father Marvin was quickly reaching several conclusions. "This Cas, he was more than a best friend, wasn’t he?"

Dean was quiet for a very long time and Father Marvin debated whether it would be better or worse if he removed his hand from the man’s shoulder. He eventually leaved it there as Dean seemed to draw strength from him.

"Yes." He admitted in a low voice. "We… I mean it was just a little, I don’t think he really understood how much I…" he cleared his throat and actually leaned closer towards the priest. Father Marvin was sitting on his side, chest towards Dean and he couldn’t stop himself before he had accepted the man into a side-ways hug. "I just miss him."

Father Marvin admitted briefly to himself that he was a little lost. This was an extremely small parish and he hadn’t as of yet had to deal with a heartbroken homosexual man, which he presumed Dean was now. Not that he thought it should be any different than any other heartache, it was just the fact that he had assumed Lisa and Dean were a couple. Had he been wrong about that or was Dean merely trying to get over his other love by trying to love anew? It didn’t seem like it was working.

He hugged Dean lightly and patted him on the shoulder. "I understand, unrequited love can be extremely difficult." Oh boy, Father Marvin felt ill-equipped for this. He had never felt a love like Dean obviously felt for this Cas and he certainly didn’t know what to do about the fact that Dean was pressing in against him.

"You look like him." Dean said in a raspy voice and a shudder went down Father Marvin’s body. Dean tipped his head up and they were very close all of a sudden. Father Marvin didn’t know why but he suddenly thought Dean was going to kiss him but all the man did was lean his forehead against Father Marvin’s and press a little. "I’m sorry, Father." Dean mumbled and got up to walk out of the office without so much as a glance over his shoulder.

  
  


*****

  
  


Father Marvin would lie if he said he hadn’t been a little shaken after what had happened and he supposed that was why he hadn’t chased after Dean but he later found himself only berating his own behavior rather than Dean’s. Dean was clearly a good man in the need for support and Father Marvin had been so sure he could heal all Dean’s wounds by just talking to him. It was definitely the sin of pride and Father Marvin had felt very ashamed about it.

He wanted to rectify it but of course Dean was back to his usually smiling self on Sunday, even though Father Marvin was starting to suspect he had seen more of the real Dean than even Ms. Braeden had.

Come Thursday, Father Marvin found himself in the confessional, listening to Mrs. Somerby’s rendering of her latest escapades that somehow translated to him more as the ramblings of a lonely elderly woman rather than an actual confession. He didn’t have the heart to tell her so, though, so he sat there for a long time, humming and nodding at the right places

It wasn’t until she was finished and exited the booth that he noticed Dean, sitting at his usual pew and whispering furiously. He hadn’t heard the man over Mrs. Somerby’s droning voice but now that everything else was quiet he could once again clearly hear Dean’s words.

"—told you. Fuck, do you think I don’t watch the news anymore? I’m out of the loop, sure, but I still talk to Bobby and those fucking _strange deaths_ were all over the news. Don’t think I don’t remember what it means when the vics have their eyes burned out, I still see Pamela when I close my fucking eyes at night." Dean sighed in irritation and carded a hand through his hair. "Fuck you if you’re one of the guys that died, Cas. Imma have to leave and go fucking find you if you don’t call in, Bobby’s already looking out for you. You could at least _call_ , you asshole."

Father Marvin really wanted to know what this was about, wanted to reach out for Dean and hold him, wanted to comfort him, but he got nowhere before Dean was already up and stomping away, angrily wiping at his eyes.

  
  


*****

  
  


Dean wasn’t at mass that Sunday and Father Marvin feared that he had indeed taken off as his latest prayer had suggested he would do but Lisa and Ben didn’t seem any different and when he quietly inquired about Dean Lisa told him that he was home sick, probably just a cold. Father Marvin didn’t believe it. Well, he believed that Lisa believed it but he was quite certain that Dean was just avoiding church because it reminded him of his friend that probably was still keeping to the radio silence.

So he had smiled at Ms. Braeden and her lovely son but had sighed inwardly, thinking that perhaps he had seen the last of the tortured Mr. Winchester.

That was why he was very surprised that Wednesday, to hear a knock on his office door and to find Dean standing outside, swaying slightly.

"Dean." He exclaimed and invited the man in with an open arm. Dean staggered inside and seemed to struggle to orient himself. Father Marvin frowned and closed the door tightly. "You’re drunk." He stated and rounded Dean to look him in the eyes.

Dean grinned and nodded jerkily. "Had to see you, Father."

"Of course." Father Marvin said, still frowning mildly, and tried to walk Dean over to the couch but the man was like a rock, solid even in his intoxication. "Tell me what’s wrong."

"I don’t know if he’s dead."

"Who, your friend?" Father Marvin asked apprehensively, remembering Dean’s strange words from the week before.

"Fuck, what if he’s dead?" Dean moaned in sudden distress and pulled the shocked priest in for a crushing hug.

Father Marvin struggled to keep his balance as Dean swayed and he put his hands on the man’s heaving sides. "What makes you say that, Dean?"

"Saw it on the news." Dean mumbled against Father Marvin’s neck, sending goosebumps down the priest’s whole right side.

"You saw you friend die on TV?" Father Marvin asked, both confused and scandalized.

But Dean shook his head and opened his mouth to breathe hotly at the priest’s prickly skin. "Saw the evidence. I know what it means; there was a fight. Cas could’ve been caught in the crossfire. He’s so caring, so stupid. He would try to stop them. Nng." He groaned and buried his face against Father Marvin’s neck and the priest patted him awkwardly on the back, very unsure of what protocol dictated here.

Clearly Dean needed comfort but this was surely going too far, wasn’t it?

"I don’t think you should grieve your friend until you know for sure, Dean." He said confidently but it didn’t seem like Dean heard him.

"I just need him so much, Father." Dean all but whined and Father Marvin had never known men could make sounds like that. "I miss him, I miss his stupid face and stupid hands. Fuck, I just want to talk to him again." He was rubbing his whole body against Father Marvin’s and Father Marvin found himself extremely warm in his black clothes. "I want to see him, talk to him. Hold him." Dean shifted so that their pelvises crushed together and Father Marvin’s eyes rounded out when he realized that Dean was erect.

"Dean." He tried but for some reason didn’t push the man away.

"Fuck him." Dean breathed against the priest’s red ear and Father Marvin’s whole body jolted when he felt Dean slowly grind his hard penis against Father Marvin’s soft one. "Shit, I want him to fuck me so hard, Father. I dream about it all the time but I don’t know if it’s just me or if he’s dream-walking again."

Father Marvin had no idea what Dean was talking about in regards to the dreams but he was cluing in on why Dean was hugging him so tightly.

"Dean." He said, more determinedly but it only made Dean groan pitifully.

"Fuck, you look just like him." Dean stated again and suddenly he was brushing his lips against Father Marvin’s cheek. "I just miss him so much, I want him to hold me." His breath ghosted hotly over the priest’s trembling lips. "Kiss me."

Father Marvin had no idea what was happening anymore. Whether Dean was begging him to kiss him or if he was reliving old memories of his lost love it hardly seemed to matter when Dean’s plump lips closed over Marvin’s chapped ones.

There had been a long time since Father Marvin had been kissed and he had never experienced quite such passion and desperation before. It made him gasp in shock and Dean moaned before snaking his tongue inside the priest’s open mouth.

Father Marvin made a strangled sound he wasn’t very proud off and it made Dean pause. He pulled off and leaned his forehead against the priest’s, breathing deeply.

"I’m sorry." Dean rasped. "I’m sorry, fuck. I-I’m not thinking."

Father Marvin nodded and swallowed to regain his own composure. "You’re drunk and crazy with grief, it’s quite alright, Dean." He said it steadily even as he thought that none of this was really okay. He turned Dean around and pressed him gently down in one of the chairs. "Take a moment, collect yourself. Do you want some tea?"

Dean made a non-committal grunt as he rubbed one hand over his eyes and Father Marvin took is as a yes. He prepared the tea with only minimally shaking hands and thought that he was handling this rather well, considering.

When he turned back he saw that Dean was still sitting in the chair, his eyes closed, and he looked to have calmed down. He at least accepted the tea when Father Marvin offered him the mug.

"I’m sorry you’re having a hard time contacting your friend, Dean." Father Marvin said when Dean had dutifully drained his mug. "But I want you to promise me that you don’t jeopardize yourself before you have any proof of your friend’s demise, can you do this?"

Dean was staring down at his shoes but eventually nodded. "Yeah."

"Good." Father Marvin said, feeling proud of the man. "Do you want to talk about anything else?" their kiss was the foremost thought in the priest’s mind but he didn’t want to push it. He knew what it had been about — that he was simply a replacement — and he wasn’t very interested in seeing it repeat itself. Still, they needed to talk about it.

Dean rose abruptly. "Gotta piss." He muttered and walked out of the office on unsteady legs.

Father Marvin sighed but of course didn’t try to stop Dean. He wasn’t very surprised to later find the restrooms as empty as the rest of the church. Saddened that Dean had run away rather than talked it out, sure, but not very surprised.

  
  


*****

  
  


This whole ordeal of trying to save Dean Winchester was really taking its toll on Father Marvin but he was determined in his cause. Nonetheless, he was extremely surprised to see Dean back in the pews the very next day. Sure, it was Thursday and it had quickly become the standard praying day for Dean but as Father Marvin tended to the votive candles he still wondered how this would go. They had had a very strange encounter indeed, and just the evening before at that.

He decided to keep his distance for the moment and let Dean pray in peace. He was not disappointed when he moments later heard Dean’s voice carry through the otherwise empty church.

"Dear Castiel, who art in fucking heaven. If you would just—Cas!"

Father Marvin couldn’t help but turn at the surprised tone. He was standing half-way behind a pillar and Dean couldn’t see him but he clearly saw the man and the one standing before him. He was surprised to say the least since he hadn’t heard anyone approaching but there was clearly a man standing in front of Dean. He wore a tattered trench coat and a rumpled suit underneath. His hair looked wind-blown and his blue eyes seemed fierce, even from afar. Father Marvin guessed he could see the resemblance between this man and himself, seen from an outsider’s perspective perhaps, but looking at the man he knew there was nothing they had in common.

Dean rose unsteadily and gripped at the man’s trench coat. "Cas, you fucker, where’ve you been?" his voice was an angry rasp and the other man — Cas — narrowed his eyes at Dean.

"You know where, Dean." He answered in the most gravelly voice Father Marvin had ever heard. "I told you my plans when we last saw each other."

"Fuck you." Dean spat and his grip on the trench coat made his knuckles turn white. Cas was standing exceptionally still even with Dean pulling on his clothes like that. "You couldn’t have fucking called?"

"Dean." The man said, clearly exasperate but he didn’t step away. "I have important work to do."

"Yeah?" Dean stepped closer but the man remained still as a statue. "You know I prayed to you?"

An odd phrasing, Father Marvin thought, but he forgot about it when the man squinted angrily.

"I _know_. I heard every one of them."

"Then what the fuck?!" Dean nearly shouted and Father Marvin’s heart ached. He really didn’t understand half of their conversation but he could definitely hear how saddened Dean got at hearing how he had been ignored.

"The ‘what the fuck’, Dean." Cas said sternly and stepped in, gripping Dean’s hands in his. "Is that there’s a war going on up there. I don’t have time and I certainly can’t risk them finding you. I didn’t put those wards on you just to lead my enemies right to you. Do you even know what kind of risk I’m taking being here right now?"

Father Marvin was really at a loss now. Oh, he still understood the gist and Dean clearly knew what was going on. He thought he should just leave; Dean deserved to be alone for this encounter.

"Then why’re you here now?" Dean mumbled just as Father Marvin was preparing to walk the roundabout way to his office as not to disturb them.

"Because I heard you yesterday as well, Dean." Cas rumbled in a suddenly very commanding voice. It made Father Marvin halt before he had even finished his first step. "I heard what you told that priest of yours and I _saw_."

Dean went rigid at the statement and Father Marvin was no better. He just stared at the two men with round eyes and tried to understand how that was possible.

"S-saw?" Dean mumbled, probably thinking along the same lines as Father Marvin.

Cas raised his hand to snag it in Dean’s hair, pulling the man in and his head back to bare his throat. "I can live with Lisa, I can stand the prostitutes, but I _will not_ have you bend over for a man of God, Dean." He rasped in a demanding tone. A chill went down Father Marvin’s spine at the cold tone but Dean moaned and pressed closer to the other man.

"I’m sorry Cas, it’s not like that."

"Then tell me, Righteous Man, how it is." Cas demanded in a low growl and Dean keened at the sound. Father Marvin watched with round eyes how Dean easily submitted to the other man’s fury.

"I miss you, Cas." Dean all but sobbed and Cas leaned in to mouth at Dean’s Adam’s apple, humming at the confession. "It hurts Cas, everything hurts without you. I need you."

"And the priest?"

"H-he’s kind to me."

Father Marvin’s cheeks heated at the statement but he couldn’t say why. Could only stare as Cas put one leg between Dean’s and how Dean started grinding immediately.

"I bet he is."

"Please, Cas." Dean gasped and pawed at Cas’ crotch.

Father Marvin was not very well-versed when it came to sex but he was sure that was where this was headed. He should stop them, he should offer them someplace to be instead of out here, right in the open where anyone could see them. Clearly they had a lot to talk about and even though Father Marvin knew about Ms. Braeden — and this Cas seemed to as well — that was the furthest thing from his mind. Dean needed this man and Father Marvin wouldn’t take that away. But he should, perhaps, offer them the privacy of his office, if nothing else.

But he was once again stopped in his tracks when Cas spoke. "Yes, Dean." The man said in a voice too calm for what they were doing. "I understand now that you’ve never understood quite what you mean to me. I think you should be enlightened of just how much I need you as well." He looked up suddenly and pinned Father Marvin to the spot as if he had known he was there all along. "And whom you belong to."

Dean moaned desperately and Father Marvin gulped. It felt as if he couldn’t move. Could only stare as Dean rutted against the man he had longed so desperately for.

"H-here?" Dean panted and Cas released his hair only to push him down on the floor, all the while keeping his eye contact with Father Marvin.

"Yes, I think here will be just fine."

"If someone—"

"There’s no one here." Cas stated firmly and Dean, for some reason, believed him without hesitation. Father Marvin swallowed dryly as Dean reached up to undo Cas’ belt and slacks.

"I want you to fuck me." Dean moaned when he managed to fish out Cas’ already hard member. Father Marvin watched as if in trance as Dean pumped the throbbing length before promptly swallowing it down.

Cas put one hand on Dean’s head and looked down. Father Marvin felt as if he could breathe easier but he still found himself unable to leave. For some reason he felt compelled to watch this unfold.

"I want that too, Dean." Cas mumbled, surprisingly gentle all of a sudden, and it made Dean squirm. "Not here, though. Somewhere more guarded."

"Bobby’s?" Dean asked as he came up for breath and Cas nodded slightly.

"Later."

Dean moaned and pressed in again, licking and jacking Cas’ hard flesh. Father Marvin’s cheeks felt hot as he watched the simultaneously affectionate and perverted display.

Cas was stroking Dean’s hair tenderly now while cooing wordlessly and Father Marvin suddenly got the feeling that this was how they usually were with each other. At least when they were alone. That display from before had been for his benefit, he understood. This Cas was obviously busy with something — work, perhaps — but he wanted to be with Dean. He was afraid Dean would leave him and for some reason he had thought Father Marvin had presented the biggest competition.

Father Marvin couldn’t fathom why. He suddenly felt immense affection for this Cas, whomever he might be, and he hoped dearly that he and Dean could fix whatever had happened to part them.

Suddenly Dean was whining and his hand around Cas became uncoordinated.

"C-Cas." He stuttered and Father Marvin saw one of his hands pressing down on his no doubt hard penis.

"Yes, Dean." Cas rasped, sounding equally breathless. "Come here, beloved." Cas pulled Dean to his feet only to sit down on the pew beside them and pull Dean with him so that Dean ended up straddling his lap.

"Oh God, Cas." Dean moaned and started immediately rutting against Cas.

"Don’t blaspheme." Cas chided softly while he worked Dean’s jeans open.

Dean flung his head back when their members pressed together without clothes between them and Cas put one hand around them and the other on the back of Dean’s head to pull him into a very possessive kiss. Dean was groaning pitifully, almost sobbing, and Cas was cooing again, soothing the man with gentle touches that contradicted the fast pace he had set around their erections.

"Mi-miss you so much." Dean sobbed against Cas’ neck and Father Marvin watched with soft eyes.

"I know." Cas mumbled. "I’m sorry. I’m not handling this well. I need to keep away from you to keep you safe but I just can’t Dean. I should erase your memory of me but I’m too selfish."

"Cas." Dean panted desperately and Father Marvin saw how his hips stuttered uncoordinatedly.

"I want you Dean, I _need_ you. What do you think would happen to me if I answered all of your prayers? I can barely concentrate as it is."

"I’m sorry, Cas." Dean moaned. "Just let me know once in a while, ‘kay?"

Cas closed his eyes and kissed Dean’s sweaty neck. "I promise. You’re not at fault here, Dean."

"C-Cas, I need…"

"Yes, Dean." Cas rasped and sped up his hand around them. The tips of their members were slick with precome and the slight squelching sound as Cas pressed them together was loud in the empty church. "Do it for me, show me."

"W-want you inside."

Cas groaned deeply and reached one hand down to snake it inside Dean’s loose jeans. Father Marvin couldn’t see what he did there but he could imagine it and it made his face heat up even worse. Dean mewled at whatever Cas was doing to him and he orgasmed a moment later. His dick pulsed and painted Cas’ stomach in long white ropes. Cas’ breathing stuttered at the sight and he threw his head back a second later, moaning as he followed Dean in his completion.

"Cas." Dean was whining, pulling at the man’s trench coat. "Mine. My angel."

"Yes, Dean." Cas agreed when he had collected breath enough. "And you’re mine." He cradled Dean’s head to his neck and once again met Father Marvin’s round eyes. Somehow the man’s blue eyes seemed to glow and Father Marvin watched, enthralled, as the man pinned him down yet again. " _Only_ mine."

Father Marvin closed his mouth and nodded. Yes, there was no way he was taking Dean from this man, even if he had wanted Dean in such a way he knew that it would have been impossible.

Cas seemed content with this and he closed his eyes to nose against Dean’s sweaty hair. Suddenly Father Marvin felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and he swirled around to lean against the pillar and slide to the floor to sit with his back against it.

He could still hear Dean and Cas talking faintly but it sounded far off and Father Marvin concentrated on steadying his heartbeat instead. Much had happened here and as much as he wished to discuss this, and the future, with Dean he knew he would never approach the subject if Dean didn’t do so first.

When he at long last managed to stand again he noticed that he was alone in the church. He startled a little at the realization, having heard neither Dean nor Cas leave, but he supposed he had been affected more than he had thought. He felt ashamed for having watched but at the same time it felt like it had been the right thing to do. Now he at least knew that Dean was in fact well taken care of.

  
  


*****

  
  


"—and I polished Baby today. I mean, I know I can’t drive her because, you know, low profile and all. But she needs a shine now and then, you know?"

Thursdays had quickly become Father Marvin’s favorite day of the week. Dean came in every afternoon and made his strange prayers. They seemed more like a one-way phone call but they made him smile nowadays so Father Marvin had never thought to comment on it.

Dean was still with Ms. Braeden, Father Marvin knew, and he didn’t know what to say about that but he had also come to realize that Dean didn’t know the priest had seen what he had seen so he hadn’t broached the subject. Lisa and Ben seemed happy with Dean and Dean was happy nowadays too.

He really didn’t know what had become of this Cas character but he was just happy as long as Dean’s smiles seemed genuine and he liked to think he’d had a little something to do with that. Because he knew that Dean was happy because Cas was now keeping in contact somehow but he also knew that Cas had been forced out of his hiding because he had been jealous of the relationship Dean and Father Marvin had been developing. That made him feel unexpectedly smug.

Dean sometimes came into the priest’s office to talk but their sessions were much shorter now and seemed more like Dean just wanted to talk to someone outside his family. He didn’t speak much of his brother or Cas but Father Marvin was content nonetheless.

And every Thursday he got to hear tidbits from Dean’s other life in his prayers. He still didn’t understand half of it but Dean’ tone was always light and that was all that mattered.

"And you know." Dean was saying just as Father Marvin passed him to prepare the confessional booths for the evening. "Just because I told you to text me once in a while doesn’t mean I understand half of these little pictures." He said it with a snort but his tone was still cheerful so Father Marvin just smiled where he stood with his back turned and counted the bibles.

"They’re called emojis and I find them highly useful." A gravelly voice suddenly answered and Father Marvin jumped high. He turned around slowly only to see Cas standing beside Dean with his hand on Dean’s shoulder. Dean was smiling broadly up at the man.

"Really? Wanna tell me what this last one was about?" Dean grinned when he showed the other man his phone and Cas just sighed.

"Do you want to go out for coffee, Dean?" He elaborated and Dean’s grin grew.

"Why, Castiel, how am a girl to say no to that?" Dean teased as he stood up and Cas just sighed deeper. Father Marvin’s eyes rounded out at the name. Surely a coincidence.

"You’re impossible." Cas grunted and put his arm around Dean’s waist and Dean circled his arms around the man’s neck.

"And yet you love me."

"By God, I do." Cas stated seriously and Dean laughed heartily.

"Don’t blasphe—"

He was cut off mid-sentence when the two of them suddenly disappeared in a great whoosh. Father Marvin crashed down on the small bench in the confessional from the mere shock. _Clearly_ he was seeing things.

Before he could gather his wits the man called Cas was suddenly back, standing inches away from the trembling priest.

"I apologize." Cas said in his gravelly voice and Father Marvin could only stare. Couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it before, hadn’t connected the dots.

"Y-You…" he pointed shakily at the man. No, not man. "Castiel, Angel of the Lord." He said reverently and Cas scrunched up his face.

"I have much to thank you for and even more to apologize for." He stated and stepped up to tap his fingers against the priest’s forehead. "I shouldn’t have done what I did to you, making you watch like that. I am sorry to have to do this to you; this was my fault."

Father Marvin closed his eyes, his mind filled with the implications this brought. He then suddenly felt a flash go through him and everything went black. He slumped back against the wall in the confessional.

  
  


*****

  
  


"What will he remember?" Dean asked as he looked down at the unconscious priest.

"What he needs to." Cas answered, as cryptic as usual and Dean rolled his eyes at him. "Not me, not anything you said that can be traced to me, not your kiss." Yeah, there was definitely a biting tone at the last part and Dean blushed to remember his embarrassing behavior. "He will simply remember you as Lisa’s boyfriend, a man saddened by his brother’s demise. We should be fine if we’re careful."

Dean sighed. "Yeah, I’m sorry. I should’ve kept myself in check."

Cas turned to him and looked at him with his beautiful eyes. "No, _I’m_ sorry. I pushed you to desperation without realizing how much I was hurting you and then I let him know too much because I let jealousy take over. I should have erased his memory earlier. This is my fault."

"Oh, good. So we’re both idiots." Dean grinned and pulled Cas in to kiss him on his frown.

"Yes, Dean." Cas sighed and Dean delighted in swallowing it. "We’re both idiots."

Dean nuzzled in closer. "You’re _my_ idiot."

Cas glanced at Dean in that way he did when he was trying to be coy. Fuck, Dean loved when Cas was being playful like this.

"I suppose I am." He agreed at length and Dean chuckled.

"Good, now put your feathery ass to use and fuck me."

Dean would never admit to the happy squeal he let out when Cas all but pounced on him but yeah, it happened and he didn’t fucking regret anything.

  
  



End file.
